i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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