i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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