I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
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