he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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