Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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