If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
