Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
How does it feel to date your dad?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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