in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
