Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
