I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
