your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
