If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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