Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
