my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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