I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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