It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
its not stalking. its research.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
