ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
