You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
