you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
