Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
