It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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