I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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