sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
