So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I still have a little drunk in my system
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
