Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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