Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
