Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
