whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
