The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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