you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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