Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
