Where are you?
In a non slutty way
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
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There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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