You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just high enough for therapy.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
