he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
