ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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