You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
