She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
