why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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