Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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