i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
