mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
