Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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