I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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