gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Randomize
