Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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