My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize