They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
