I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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