so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
