Plan B is the new Plan A
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
