I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
