if you like me you must not know who I am
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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