Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just cropdusted the office
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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