I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
