omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
