She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
