He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
