Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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