Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
