put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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