so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
