I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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