I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
