She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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