lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
