I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
ugly people sure do ruin things
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
